Xanax or Cookies, that is the question

Original Post 11/19/08

You know that song "Jose Cuervo" by Shelly West? Well, there needs to be one called "Xanax, you are a friend of mine" or maybe "Warm(!) Chocolate Chip cookies, you are a friend of mine" because I wouldn't have made it through the trip to New Jersey without them. Have I mentioned that Dan's grandmother passed away and we went up there for the funeral?

Ahh, well, just sit right back and you'll hear a tale... a tale of a... ahem, uhm, that is, haha... allow me to elucidate.

We received word several months ago that Hospice was called for Dan's grandmother and the family needed to be prepared to travel to New Jersey soon. Generally speaking, Hospice isn't called until near the very end of one's life. So, as expected, she passed away last Thursday. Honestly, it was more of a blessing than anything else. There comes a time as someone gets older that the quality of life is reduced to nothing. Sometimes losing someone is preferable to watching them suffer the indignities of old age and imminent death. When her children would visit, she didn't know them. Her youngest daughter, Maureen, would visit and she'd remark, "Oh, you're so nice! You remind me of my daughter." Maureen would reply, "Mommy, I AM your daughter. I'm Maureen." And Grandmom would say, "But you can't be Maureen. She's just a little girl." It really was very sad.
So when we received word that she'd died, we immediately made plans to travel to NJ for the service. We pulled Daniel out of school and sent the kids to my mom's; expecting to fly out on Friday afternoon. But it's tough to get 10 adult 'kids' to agree on anything; much less the grandchildren and great-grandchildren. As such, the service wasn't until this past Saturday morning- a week after her death.
I am used to things being much timelier. Someone dies in my family and barring a major holiday they're in the ground 3 days later. Certainly no more than 5 days later. Then again, we don't cremate our dead. I suppose cremation adds a whole other level of flexibility that burial doesn't allow. Be that as it may, we generally don't cremate for religious reasons. But that is a topic for another blog.
Now, let me preface this next part: My husband is one of the smartest men I've ever known. He's very well-read and can converse on most any subject. He had 7 years of college, which he aced with flying colors. He can take apart any electronic device and put it back together flawlessly and he can build a computer from a metal box and Scrabble tiles. But when it comes to some of the most basic things, he's completely clueless. For example: he can't make instant grits. You know the ones I mean- the kind that come in the little packet that you add hot water to. When pre-fab furniture comes to our house, I am the one who puts it together because the instructions completely confound him. And don't get me started on using dangerous tools, like axes and chainsaws. Let's just say if something like that needs to be done, we either hire someone or I do it myself.
Him being the smart man he is, I naturally assumed that we'd fly to the service. Did you catch that key word there? Assume. Someone told me once, "Never assume anything. It makes an ass out of u and me." Get it? Haha… uhm, yeah.
Anyway as I would quickly find out, Dan's idea of travelling to NJ had nothing whatsoever to do with flying. He planned to rent a large SUV and drive up. To me, this was just another example of his lack of common sense where the little things are concerned.
Now, another thing you must understand here is that Dan's parents were going to go to NJ too… Then he added the children to the equation and things got a little hairier.
Have you ever travelled with children before? It's not something I'd call even remotely fun. Seriously. It's about 15 hours, give or take, to New Jersey from Florida, btw. 15… long… hours.
We started out at 9am on Thursday morning and stopped at Target to exchange the DVD player I'd purchased the night before for one that actually worked. As it turned out, I exchanged it for one that didn't work either. So I had to go back in and get yet another DVD player. We got on 95 North around 10:30. Still, we made fairly good time. I'd taken one Xanax that morning in an attempt to force myself into the car and not lock myself into the bathroom so I didn't have to go; which is what I really wanted to do. Actually, I'd much rather have driven to a torture chamber for a couple hours on the rack than get into that car.
The first hotel was a pleasant surprise; very clean and super-nice people. They even had 24-7 coffee in the lobby. And it was good coffee; you all know what a coffee snob I am. If you're ever travelling North on I-95 and need a nice hotel, the Hampton Inn in Emporia, Virginia is ranked 3 in the nation among Hampton Inns, and for good reason. You simply cannot beat Southern hospitality and Southern fried chicken.
The second hotel was a nice surprise as well. Of course, it was a Doubletree in Princeton so I had high expectations, but it exceeded even those. It's amazing how much cookies tend to make a bad situation easier. Doubletree hotels give you these awesome (warm!) chocolate chip cookies when you check in. After a day in the car with my in-laws, those cookies made us all feel better.
There were about 60 or so 10-12 year-old girls staying on the 2nd floor overnight for a cheerleading convention. It may have actually been less, but when you get a bunch of squealing little girls together, it always seems like more than it is. Of course, you know what happens when little girls stay up late together- they start playing games and 'daring' each other to do things that they normally wouldn't do with just their parents. Sometime around 10pm, one of these girls decided it would be fun to pull the fire alarm. This resulted in the entire hotel being evacuated into the parking lot… in the rain. It was approximately 50 degrees as well, did I mention that part? The local fire department came, checked everything out and found that the alarm was pulled "accidentally" on the 2nd floor. "Accidentally", eh? Suuuuuure. While we were standing in the parking lot, the manager came around and gave out those delicious (warm!) cookies, water bottles and breakfast vouchers. So standing out in the rain wasn't half as bad as it would have been sans cookies.
The funeral was in a Catholic church. As you all know, we're not Catholic. Not even a little bit. So my children had no frame of reference for a Catholic mass. Surprisingly, Daniel sat up and actually listened to the Monsignor. Christopher lay in the pew and played his Leapster quietly, which is really much better than I expected of him. In fact, both children completely surprised me this trip. It just served to prove to me once again how quickly they're growing up.
The only part of the mass that Daniel didn't care for was the incense. Really, who could blame him there? I have no idea what it is that they burn for funerals but it smelled thick and spicy & made me nauseous. Certainly not something I'd willingly burn in my home.
Daniel was a bit concerned over the whole communion thing though. When everyone got up to take communion, the Monsignor said something about it being the "body of Christ" and Daniel's eyes got wide. He looked over at me and whispered, "Mom, do I have to go up there?" I told him that he didn't and he looked visibly relieved. He replied, "There is no way I am eating that!" I find it funny how we forget that kids take everything they hear literally.
I rediscovered that I genuinely like the rest of Dan's extended family. Such wonderful people! Many of them welcomed me into the family with open arms and hearts 9 years ago & they've continued to make me feel like part of the family over the years. I feel very blessed indeed to know each of them.
We left on Sunday and briefly toured Washington D.C. We will definitely be planning a trip back there with the kids in a few years. Christopher kept asking me if we were going to "tour the other museums too, Mommy?" I've never seen a 4 year-old actually want to tour museums before, but I guess there is a first time for everything.
We arrived home on Monday evening. Overall, it was a good trip despite the circumstances.

On a side note- one thing I learned on this trip is that I need to go to the eye doctor. It seems that since I turned 31, my night vision has been reduced dramatically. To the point that someone in the back seat said, "Hey, there is Cherry Hill road on the left there" and I didn't see the bright green, big-ass sign till I was nearly next to it. It wasn't because I was unfamiliar with the area; it was because I just couldn't see it. So I'll be making an appointment to see my eye doctor very shortly. What's worse is that I've had to change the font on this blog to 14pt type instead of moving the monitor insanely close to my face so I can see it. Think I'd look good with the cute Sarah Palin-esque glasses? LOL I'm not even kidding!